Over the past 7 yrs, the boys and I have experienced the deaths of 6 people within our circle of family and friends. We grieved for them, and their families, and wondered, 'why? why them?'
This past weekend, I had to explain to them the death of a four year old beautiful little girl. She was the granddaughter of my Mother's significant other. He and Mom have been together about 3 yrs. An extended family tree member if you will.
Around 18 mo, she was diagnosed with cancer. Yeah. Uh ... again ... 'why?'
This Sunday, June 1st, she would have turned 4. The past two years were a continuous battle for her.
But you hope. You always hope. And pray. Whoever you pray to, you pray.
Yes, death sucks and is always sad, but the death of a child, a beautiful, happy child who was born into a loving family ... that's just not 'right'.
How does that much pain make a parent 'stronger'. Why does a person need that type of strength anyway? How does being able to endure an unequivocal heartache, unimaginable suffering, make someone a better person?
What lesson is being learned through bearing a perfect child, only to then watch your child suffer from a bastard of a disease - that our scientists can't seem to get control over - despite the millions ... billions? raised for the cause - have your hopes raised during remission periods, only to be dashed on it's vicious return, continue the emotional roller-coaster through treatment periods, only to lose her in the end a mere 2 yrs later?
WHAT THE ?????
STOP!!! Don't start forwarding me religious and afterlife links and quotes! I don't want them. I was raised catholic and know all about god and attended enough church services, and Sunday school classes to know what's supposed to happen when the soul leaves the body and moves on to be an angel in heaven.
What I don't get, and understandably never will, is why the good ones? The innocent ones? There are plenty of 'bad souls' out there beyond saving. Take them. Take 'em all. We won't miss them. Really! Would it be all that bad if the good guys controlled the earth?
Leave the littlest angels. I'm sure there's another way we can be taught those 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' life lessons. Dontchathink?
Her parents are incredibly strong people. They spent months in hospitals, by her side. They cherished her. They finally brought her home last Friday night and she died two nights later in her Daddy's arms.
As a Mom, as a human being, my heart breaks for them. Life is SO not fair.
The boys didn't say much when I told them. They understood there was a chance her treatments would not be successful.
Although it was 6yrs ago, they had been through a similar experience with my father. Alec remembered. I could tell the news of her death upset him, he asked about her every time he saw my Mom. Adam ... harder to read how he took the news. He tends to keep more inside. More of the brooder where Alec outwardly expresses his emotional pain.
I had discussed her condition with them over the past couple of yrs. Tried to prepare them. But how do you prepare for the death of a 4 yr old?
On the inside ... you don't. You hope. You always hope. And pray. Whoever you pray to, you pray
Sigh. And question ...
What's the big cosmic point?
I asked myself that question when dad's brother, a favourite uncle of mine, died suddenly of a heart attack.
I asked myself that question when my dad died shortly after that of cancer.
I asked myself that question when a friend died of breast cancer last spring.
I asked myself that question when the Dad of one of Alec's friends died suddenly of a heart attack last summer, on the golf course, with his 11 yr old son. (Now tell me, what lesson is that poor boy supposed to learn from THAT?!?!?)
I asked myself again when I held my dog's broken body in my arms, and felt him breath his last breath. Not the same I know, but grief is grief is grief to dog lovers.
Sunday night, I cried, again, and asked myself ... once again.
I'm still waiting for the answer.
Have a good night all,
P.S. If you're wondering why the title of this post contains the phrase - Death Sucks Part III, it's because we've been here before, in I'm Very Very Sad Today ... aka Death Sucks!!! and Just when I thought I was all cried out .... Death Sucks Part II
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Over the past 7 yrs, the boys and I have experienced the deaths of 6 people within our circle of family and friends. We grieved for them, and their families, and wondered, 'why? why them?'
Monday, May 19, 2008
Hope you all had a great long weekend!
On Saturday, my best friend and I were sitting in a pub having dinner. This man walked over to our table, wrapped his hand around my upper arm and said "I have a strange question for you."
Uh Oh ... My eyes flashed across the table to my friend, then around the room, scoping out the nearest Security Dude.
I'm not unaccustomed to having men approach me in a pub. However, usually it's to ask for a dance, not to play 20 questions :-)
He asked "Were you ever an instructor at the Xxxx Xxxxx Xxxxxx?"
I said "No, I was a student there a long time ago." Wondering if that was enough of an answer to get his hand off my arm.
Nope, not good enough I guess.
He then asked, "You worked in the lab though didn't you?"
I flashed back almost 15 years and answered "Yes, I did work in the lab for a short time after I graduated ..."
He said "I KNEW IT! I knew you worked in the lab. It was back in 1994. I remembered you from your eyes. I remembered those eyes!"
OK! Is that enough to get your hand off my arm now?!?!?!?
Yup, apparently it was.
He simply walked away then and said "Thanks. I just needed to make sure I wasn't going crazy! I knew I remembered those eyes!"
Well ... I still have no idea who he was, so it's possible his sanity is still up for debate, but I'm glad I could put a little piece of 1994 into perspective for him ;-) Wow, 15 years later someone recognizes my eyes, go figure LOL.
Now if only I could have gotten the tall, dark haired 'broody' one to come on over and look into these eyes ....
What can I say, I didn't have many 'eye shots' to choose from. I don't take alot of eye close ups.
Till the next adventure all, time to pick up potatoes and then my kids ... and knowing me, I'll find an adventure in picking up the potatoes LOL!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Happy Belated Mother's Day to all my Mom friends!!! Hope you were all spoiled rotten!
This was definitely an odd Mother's Day for me this year.
Saturday night, Alec finally had his birthday party. We had to postpone it until last weekend since he wanted to have a sleep over, and we were at the Wrestling Event the previous weekend (the week of his actual birthday).
So Saturday night Adam was shipped off to his father's for the night (he came home again around 10:30pm), and 'The Boys' arrived around 5:30pm. They had a ball. Pizza, juice, popcorn, Alien vs Predator, YouTube and a PS2 kept them occupied all night :-) I herded them all off to Alec's room around 11 and by midnight ... silence and sleep had claimed them :-)
The next morning, Mother's Day, I woke up to EXTRA kids :-) No breakfast in bed this year!
I had told them the night before that if they woke up at some ungodly hour - ie BEFORE 8am - that there was cereal on the table, milk in the fridge, help themselves and I'd do the toast and fruit when I got up at 8. Normally, when I have my boys on the weekend, we'll do the BIG breakfast. Eggs, bacon/ham, toast, fruit etc. With that many boys at my table on Mother's Day ... Fruit Loops it was!!!
They all left fairly early though. Last one was gone just before 11am. A&A went downstairs and were being very quiet, and since my back was still really sore after having seized up a couple of days before, (yeah, two days flat on my back in bed ... and not in a GOOD way!), I said to myself "Self ... it's Mother's Day ... boys are being quiet ... your back is killing you, go lay down for awhile." And I did!
I watched The Sopranos. I've never watched The Sopranos before. I LIKED it!!!
Adam came up to my room to see what I was doing just before the end of the show and crawled into bed with me. No sooner did he get 'comfy', then a movie started. We decided to see what it was.
Turned out it was the 1976 thriller Carrie. Yup. The old Stephen King horror flick.
Now, normally I'm not one to promote 'scary' or 'adult' movies with the boys. Yes, Alien vs Predator is scary, and 'adult', but the only reason Alec was allowed to get/see it was because of the 'sleepover'. What's a sleepover without a scary movie?!?!?!?!? And as it was, they turned it off after about 20 minutes and watched it the next morning anyway LOL.
When Carrie came on however, I called for Alec to come upstairs. I thought it was 'strange' that this movie was on, considering he and I had just been discussing that very topic the week before. We were talking about books, and I told him I could still remember the first SCARY book I had read. It was Carrie. When I was 12, his age. I've been a Stephen King junkie ever since!
Given they've seen movies like Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, I didn't think that Carrie would be overly 'scary' for them. Also, it was on A&E so any nudity and swearing had been taken out.
So, my boys and I snuggled up in my bed and all watched Carrie together for Mother's Day LOL.
Now, before y'all pick up your phones and call Social Services on me for being an awful mother who encourages horror flicks, let me first say that this movie brought about TONS of discussion! Which in my opinion, is always a GOOD thing.
We discussed Periods within the first 10 minutes. - If you remember the first scene in the movie, Carrie is in the shower after gym class, and has her first period. She doesn't know what is happening to her, and she's scared. Of course when he saw the blood on her hands, Adam asked "What's wrong with her Mom?" So we had the Period discussion. They now appreciate the fact they're boys! ;-)
We discussed Bullies and the destruction they cause in people's lives. For me, Bullying is a main premise of this movie. That and telekinesis. We discussed how Carrie was the way she was - shy, an outcast - partly because she had been bullied by her classmates her whole life. We discussed how this can hurt people to the point that they want to hurt back. I also brought up the Columbine incident again to drive this 'bullying point' home.
We discussed Telekinesis. What it is - as best I could explain it anyway - and how yes, there really ARE some people in the world who can supposedly move things with their mind. We all agreed that we'd all love to have telekinetic powers. To use for good of course ;-) Telekinesis comes in a close second to the power of invisibility though ;-)
And we discussed Child Abuse. This was a bit of a heart wrencher for me. There was only ONE part of the movie that bothered Adam. And this was it. The Mother's abuse of Carrie. The scene where Carrie came home from school after the shower episode, and her Mother confronted her about 'being a sinner' because of what had happened. When Carrie refused to say what her Mother wanted her to say, she hit her repeatedly in the face with a Bible, and then locked her in a closet.
At this point, I looked over at Adam who was curled in next to me, and saw his little bottom lip was quivering, and his eyes were filled with tears he was fighting so hard to control. I asked "Are you OK Babe?", and he looked at me, one tear spilling over and down his cheek and whispered "There really ARE bad Mom's like that out there who hit their kids aren't there Mom?"
My heart broke at his obvious pain and the empathy he was feeling for this poor girl in the movie, but I didn't lie to him. I simply put my arm around him, gave him a squeeze, a kiss to his temple and said "Yes Babe, there ARE some nasty parents out there".
He replied with, "There are Moms who badly hurt their kids aren't there?"
I said "Yes Hun, there are".
He then asked, "There are Moms out there who lock their kids in closets when they don't listen ... aren't there?"
"Yes Hun. **Pause**
That was hard. I don't like admitting to my kids that there are 'bad' parents out there. But it's simply the sad truth. Hell, I know I'm certainly not perfect, and there are those who would probably call me a 'bad' parent myself for even letting the boys watch this movie in the first place.
But they watched it WITH me. I was there to answer all their questions, and you know what? In the end? They didn't find it 'scary' at all LOL. Maybe because I kept prepping them through the whole movie for the Prom scene that was going to come at the end LOL. Maybe simply because a 1976 'scary' flick can't hold a candle to a 'scary' flick of their generation. They're unfortunately more desensitized to that kind of 'stuff'.
What I hope they got out of this movie, is to be NICE to and tolerant of the kids at school who are maybe a little different!
If not ... don't go to Prom! ;-p
The last 'odd' part to my Mother's Day, was when the Ex called in the afternoon and invited the boys and I over for a Mother's Day dinner. I accepted! :-)
We are an odd pair the ex and I lol. People tell us all the time that we get along so well. And we do. For the most part :-) So I accepted. His Mother was there also. He cooked, he cleaned up afterwards, all we had to do was park our butts at the table and eat! He even made cookies for dessert! Mmmmmmm cookies!!!!!! OK, so maybe the cookies were for the boys .....
I didn't really have any plans for Mother's Day, since my back was too sore to make the drive to my own Mother's (2hrs away). I also didn't expect to wake up with extra kids in my house (when I originally said yes to the sleepover, it wasn't planned for Mother's Day), or didn't plan to spend the afternoon snuggled in my bed with my boys watching Carrie, and I certainly didn't expect to be going to my ex-husband's house for Mother's Day dinner with my ex-mother-in-law.
But ya know what? It was a GREAT Mother's Day!!!! I wouldn't have changed a thing!
OK, maybe two things ... I'd give myself telekinetic and invisibility powers. Hee hee hee. And would have insisted on Fruit Loops in bed! ;-)
Have a great day all!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Yes my friends, SWEAT was the highlight of last Saturday night :-) Oh but not just ANY sweat ... BATISTA SWEAT!
If you had asked me 6 months ago what a Batista was, I would have guessed a new 'hard rock' band (Is 'hard rock' still a genre? Is it called something else now? Damn I'm feeling old!). I have since been educated by the boys, that Batista is in fact one of the favourites of the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) circuit, and one of Alec's personal favourites, (along with John Cena!) and on Saturday night, only a few short months later, I found myself standing in the aisles, arms in air, screaming at the top of my lungs 'BATISTA BOMB BABY!!!"
Yup. Looking back, not one of my most ... a-hem, refined moments, but have you SEEN this man?!?!??!
Saturday night, I took the boys and one of Alec's friends to see Wrestlemania Revenge. There, they saw many of the 'Stars' they've recently been watching on Friday Night Smackdown. LIVE, right there in front of them!
It was an AWESOME night!
It was a 'Dad Weekend', so I picked them up from their father's around 4pm Sat afternoon, and we made the 2+hr trek to Moncton NB for the 7:30pm show. It was part of Alec's 12th birthday present.
The kids couldn't BELIEVE they were seeing Batista .... LIVE!!! He was REAL!!! Not just someone on TV. But not only The Animal, ALL of the wrestlers! Three and a half hours worth of loud, sweaty, BIG men in tight be-dazzled skivvies, body slamming each other around a ring. Yeah. Every Mom's dream way of spending a Saturday night huh? But this night wasn't for me. I was simply along for the ride :-)
**** I do have to side note for a sec, to say that as the ... grownup, in this situation, I have had the - 'it's only entertainment, it's not 'real'. Having said that, accidents and injuries DO happen because it is a sport, (and then there's the extreme - Owen Hart) but these people are professionally trained, so I don't EVER want to see you using these 'moves' on each other or that's it, the plug on Wrestling is pulled' - talk with them :-) What can I say, like rock and movie stars, some of these guys are role models and heroes for a huge number of kids. Gotta keep an eye on what they're 'into', so if you can't beat 'em, cheer on their favourite wrestler with them ;-) ****
Matt Hardy started off the night vs MVP, (and won) then, in no particular order, Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore fought against tag-team champions John Morrison and The Miz. There was Finlay & Hornswoggle, Chavo and Kane, and of course Adam's favourite .... BIG SHOW!!! That man is HUGE!!!! Palumbo rode in on his custom chopper, a few other guys I don't remember were there, and then, the title match. Batista vs Edge. WOOHOO!!!!! Oops. Did I say that out loud?
And of course it wouldn't be the WWE without ... The DIVA'S!!!! Yeah. Just what I took my 12 & 8 yr old to see ... half naked women parading around in the ring, who didn't even wrestle!!! It was simply a 'Diva Contest'. Who was the 'Hottest Diva'. Yeah ... Ok ... bring back the big, sweaty dudes in the bedazzled tights would ya?!?!?!? If I want the boys to see semi-porn, I'll pay for the channel, thanks!
Where's Big Show when ya need him!
I've found one video compilation of the night. You can see a mix of pics and video here:
I got a kick out of the fact it was pics, until the Diva's hit the ring, then it switched to video LOL.
All the kids had a blast. Screamed themselves hoarse! They cheered on the 'good guys' and yelled the closest thing to an obscenity they were allowed to yell at the 'bad guys'. Well, just one obscenity really ... "EDGE YOU SUCK !!!!!!!!"
The night had a few highlights. During the title match between Batista and Edge (who is a fellow Canadian BTW), before Edge actually got into the ring he was playing with the crowd. Calling them down. Getting them going. My three sucked in all their breath, and all yelled at the top of their lungs at the same time "YOU SUCK EDGE!!!!".
Now, whether it was MY three he heard (who were actually pretty loud lol, and had picked a relatively quiet moment to yell that) or the rest of the crowd he heard, who started yelling 'you suck' in unison after the boys did, he came back to the microphone and said something along the lines of "So ... I SUCK do I?!?!??!?!?" Made some more rude comments, dissed the Montreal Canadians and finally got into the ring lol.
That was Alec's highlight, he thought FOR SURE he had heard them and were acknowledging them ;-)
Then, at the end of the night, after the title match, I let them run down to the stage entrance/exit when Batista was leaving the ring. Every time a wrestler walked that path to the exit, he was swarmed on both sides with kids and grown-ups alike. From above, it was like watching a bag of sugar being dropped in the middle of an army of starving ants. SWARM!
The boys just missed him :-( He left - then came back for a minute - in that minute Alec and his friend managed to 'get in there' and touch him and THAT just made their night! Adam tried to get his hand on him as well, but unfortunately, Batista fans come in all shapes and sizes, and some big guys (adults!) managed to jump in front of him and he could no longer see or get to him.
I did what any Mom would do ... and hoisted him into the crowd and hoped to get him back :-) He body surfed back a few seconds later, and he was in absolute AWE!!!! The only thing he could do was point to his arm and say "Ba ... Ba ... Ba .... BATISTA SWEAT ON ME!!!!!!" "MOM! BATISTA SWEAT ON ME!!" There were huge sweat spots on his arm and the wristbands he'd bought at the event.
He looked up at me with huge eyes and said "Mom, I'm NEVER going to wash this arm or band AGAIN!"
The scary part is, he's 8. He means it. Sigh. Role models and heroes.
One man's sweat made his night :-) And the looks on all their faces made mine :-)
There were also a couple of disappointments that night. The biggest for me was the fact that The Undertaker wasn't there, as advertised :-( He was the one I wanted to see!
I remember watching The Undertaker when I was a kid. He scared the crap out of me back then, and I was really looking forward to seeing him in person that night. Not meant to be I guess. Not sure why he wasn't there, or if he was, why he didn't make an appearance. The boys are of the opinion it's because he was 'stripped' of his title the night before on Friday Night Smackdown. Who knows. Hopefully he'll still be on the circuit if they come this way again.
And I only managed to embarrass Alec once :-) JUST ONCE the whole night :-D
At the end of the last match, when Batista won, I jumped out of my seat, into the aisle and did a little 'Happy Batista Dance' and cheer. Ok, so it was more of a scream ... that is, until Alec yelled over the roar of the crowd "MOM! Stop that! You're embarrassing me! At WRESTLEMANIA!!!!!
Oops. Reigning it in!
Two weeks ago, I lost my Cool Mom status. Last weekend, I gained it back for a fleeting moment with the whole Wrestlemania thing ... only to quickly lose it again with my Happy Batista Dance. Crap.
I couldn't help it. I was caught up in the Batista moment. I blame it on all the testosterone in the room that night ;-p
All in all it was a great night! I know Wrestling has it's die hard fans, and those who detest and make fun of the 'sport', but for these young kids, seeing their 'idols' walk past them, grab their hands and then pummel the 'bad guys' in the ring, all left them with a night to remember.
And according to Alec, 'The best birthday EVER Mom!!!'
Great. Glad to hear it. How the heck do I top this next year?!?!?!? Hmmm wonder if John Cena makes house calls ...
Nite all. Time to put this brain to bed and see if my subconscious can conjure up any images of big sweaty men in be-dazzled skivvies ;-p
Batista Bomb Baby!!!!!!!!